Health

I've never had a problem with my weight, but I've always had a weight problem, and those things are one and the same.

Let me explain. 

I've pretty much always been fat, and let's get this out there right now - I'm totally comfortable using the word "fat" as a descriptor. It should not be an offensive term. I have fat on my body. I am fat. Not a big deal. 

Fat. Also happy.

But it is a big deal. It's a big deal in society, but society can take a hike (to put it lightly). I'm fat, but I like to exercise. I like being active. I enjoy many outdoor activities like hiking, biking, canoeing, snowshoeing, and exploring my world. I also enjoy eating healthy foods, including vegetables and salads. Society will tell you otherwise. Society is full of lies and slander.

That's my first weight problem. My second is health.

I fully believe people can be fat and healthy at the same time, and there are doctors out there who believe the same. However, I'm not one of them, at least not at the weight I am now. 

And that's unfortunate, because I kinda like being fat. Weird, right? But I do. I feel attractive in this body, and despite everything my peers and society have told me during my developing years I was happy being me exactly as I was. I've always been comfortable with who I am, no matter my pants size, which hasn't changed much at all over the years. How many of you can say you're the same size you were when you graduated high school? I can!

What I mean by my opening statement is this: I've never had a problem with my weight mentally, but I've been neglecting the physical reality of my situation because of it. I was comfortable, complacent, and a little lazy. It was easy to get used to the side effects as part of my every day experience.

With my mom fighting her second round of cancer (she beat breast cancer, now she's facing stage IV-B lung cancer), I've decided it's time for change. I have a family history of disease: hypertension, diabetes, cancer. I don't want to go through these things when I'm older. I've been battling hypertension, depression, and PCOS for a long time. I had a scare with pseudotumor cerebri. I had my gallbladder removed and I have some digestive issues. I'm also a year away from 30, and I might kinda want to have a kid some day. These are the factors driving me to pursue a healthier lifestyle. The time to fix this is now.

Some of my friends have successfully followed the paleo path and the idea resonated with me. I hesitate to call it a diet because a diet implies something you do for a while and stop, whereas I'm changing the way I eat overall. I'm not ready to go full paleo, but I've stopped drinking soda for the most part, and cut a lot of extra sugar from my diet. I've been eating more fresh vegetables than I ever have before, and I've been cooking more too (which Jordan has certainly enjoyed)!

Delicious paleo frittata!

I'm also forcing myself to get out of the apartment and walk more, even if I have to be surrounded by strangers who may or may not look at me weirdly. I've never felt comfortable walking around a city by myself, but I've found it gets easier the more I do it (and the more confident I feel).

I'm never going to be "thin," and I don't want to be. Big beautiful woman is part of my identity. I just want to be healthier, and in my pursuit of that I know I'm going to start taking up a little less space. 

Another journey begins.

Indiegogo - Help?

This is a short blog to let everyone know I have a crowdfunding campaign live on Indiegogo here: http://igg.me/at/backtothenorthwoods/x/8366308

The whole story is there at that link. Please check it out and pass it on, even if you can't contribute yourself. This means everything to me. Please help me get home to help my family!

Thank you to those of you who have contributed and shared the link so far. I'm at 20% of my goal with 54 days to go!

Perks start at $5 and include access to my book and custom artwork (wildlife, pet portraits, fantasy illustrations, and more).

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/back-to-the-north-woods--3/x/8366308

The worst news

The last couple weeks have been a tornado of thoughts and emotions. I've been doing a lot of escaping, crying, planning, and worrying. I've been thinking about things too much, and then running and not thinking of much of anything at all. I'm not ready, but no one can be. Not for this. 

My mom has stage 4 lung cancer. 

She's an amazing woman, and my biggest role model. She's strong and tackling this struggle with "the power of positive thinking." They found the cancer when she had a lung x-ray after suffering from a respiratory infection. She's feeling better than she has in months now that she's on antibiotics, though the spot on her lung has supposedly been there many years. I wonder if that could have been the origin of the breast cancer she survived. She begins chemo this week. Chemo is a treatment for stage 4-IV:B lung cancer. There is no cure.

I need to do everything I can to get back to Minnesota to be with my family and help them through this. I want to make sure my mom enjoys some of the best years of her life. She spent all of hers taking care of others. It's time she saw some of that treatment.

What this means for me:

- I need to get my affairs in order and move back to Minnesota as soon as possible (likely this summer). I will have to leave Jordan behind until next February because we cannot break our lease.

- I need to find a place to live in MN.

- I need to find a car (my 28 year old car in MN is rusted out bad on the bottom and may be unsafe to drive).

Unfortunately I have no money for any of this to happen. Even though I'm employed now, Jordan and I are still just scratching by and relying too much on the credit card. 

I plan to start a crowdfunding campaign, likely on Indiegogo, to make this happen. I will be offering several "perks" to people who donate, including custom animal artwork and access to the book I'm writing about my experiences living between two worlds (the north country and a southern city). 

This is going to be a hard road. I'm doing my best to focus on the happy and the good, rather than the fear and the pain. I know my mom is doing the same.