Struggle

I feel like I'm constantly swimming against the rapids, but I'm not a fish so I'm flailing a lot. Sometimes I get sucked under, sometimes I find a rock to cling to for a while and I feel like I'm going to be okay, and sometimes I almost make it to shore before being swept away again.

I'm not on shore yet. I'm still clinging to a rock, but it's a chance to catch my breath.

The help you've offered me in regard to my Indiegogo campaign has been amazing. Thank you so much! There's less than a week left, and I'm hopeful I'll make at least 50% of my goal. I probably won't be able to afford a car, but it will certainly help me move and help my folks, even if I can get back just to cook meals, clean, and offer moral support. http://tinyurl.com/backtothenorthwoods

My mom is hanging in there and doing the best she can. I haven't been able to talk to her on the phone as much as I'd like because she lost her voice from the chemo. It's so hard being away when she's having a difficult time. I'm torn as to whether or not to send money home now or save it for the move.

I'm still struggling a little, especially with letting my writing work pile up. I'm feeling better overall and it's not quite as overwhelming as it was, but my bad habits are bothering me. Next week I'm going to erase the etch-a-sketch and really buckle down. I can't let this keep happening or I won't accomplish anything else I need to do. Once my Indiegogo has ended it will be easier to focus on other things. 

I also recently discovered my snakes have mites. I caught them early (thankfully), but they're a huge pain in the ass to get rid of. I said a lot of expletives before ordering two different non-toxic mite killers. I have to clean and change out bedding in every cage and soak/treat each snake as well as thoroughly clean everything around the cage areas two or three times over the next month. The last time I dealt with snake mites I had one snake. Counting babies, I currently have 18.

I finally got myself to the doctor, got back on Celexa, and got blood work done. I found out I'm completely healthy, which was a huge relief. Even my blood pressure is back to normal. Not only that, some of my other minor medical issues have resolved on their own. Maybe it was stress? Did I physically worry myself sick? Totally possible.

Things haven't been all bad here, just stressful. I've got some interesting things coming up that at least serve as distractions from the depressing stuff. Jordan and I are trying to do some fun, cheap things around L.A. the next couple months while we can.

Monday we're going to a Squarepusher concert which should be interesting, and seeing as he's one of Jordan's favorite artists and he does very few shows, we "splurged" for it (it wasn't that expensive).

Then I happened to I check my Groupon email and was thrilled to see Avenue Q showing soon and super cheap, so I had to snag tickets for that. I've wanted to see the show for YEARS and this was likely my last and only opportunity. That's coming up on the 18th.

Last weekend Jordan and I visited the awesome historic Mt. Wilson observatory, and that was amazing. So much history there, and the drive and view were simply breathtaking. I'll have to do a blog post about it.

The last big thing we're planning before I move back is going to be a camping trip to Sequoia. So looking forward to that! It's an amazing place.

So there you have it. I'm hanging onto this rock as tightly as I can until the current slows. Someday I'll make it to shore, just to be tossed back in again. But that's life, eh?