Health

I've never had a problem with my weight, but I've always had a weight problem, and those things are one and the same.

Let me explain. 

I've pretty much always been fat, and let's get this out there right now - I'm totally comfortable using the word "fat" as a descriptor. It should not be an offensive term. I have fat on my body. I am fat. Not a big deal. 

Fat. Also happy.

But it is a big deal. It's a big deal in society, but society can take a hike (to put it lightly). I'm fat, but I like to exercise. I like being active. I enjoy many outdoor activities like hiking, biking, canoeing, snowshoeing, and exploring my world. I also enjoy eating healthy foods, including vegetables and salads. Society will tell you otherwise. Society is full of lies and slander.

That's my first weight problem. My second is health.

I fully believe people can be fat and healthy at the same time, and there are doctors out there who believe the same. However, I'm not one of them, at least not at the weight I am now. 

And that's unfortunate, because I kinda like being fat. Weird, right? But I do. I feel attractive in this body, and despite everything my peers and society have told me during my developing years I was happy being me exactly as I was. I've always been comfortable with who I am, no matter my pants size, which hasn't changed much at all over the years. How many of you can say you're the same size you were when you graduated high school? I can!

What I mean by my opening statement is this: I've never had a problem with my weight mentally, but I've been neglecting the physical reality of my situation because of it. I was comfortable, complacent, and a little lazy. It was easy to get used to the side effects as part of my every day experience.

With my mom fighting her second round of cancer (she beat breast cancer, now she's facing stage IV-B lung cancer), I've decided it's time for change. I have a family history of disease: hypertension, diabetes, cancer. I don't want to go through these things when I'm older. I've been battling hypertension, depression, and PCOS for a long time. I had a scare with pseudotumor cerebri. I had my gallbladder removed and I have some digestive issues. I'm also a year away from 30, and I might kinda want to have a kid some day. These are the factors driving me to pursue a healthier lifestyle. The time to fix this is now.

Some of my friends have successfully followed the paleo path and the idea resonated with me. I hesitate to call it a diet because a diet implies something you do for a while and stop, whereas I'm changing the way I eat overall. I'm not ready to go full paleo, but I've stopped drinking soda for the most part, and cut a lot of extra sugar from my diet. I've been eating more fresh vegetables than I ever have before, and I've been cooking more too (which Jordan has certainly enjoyed)!

Delicious paleo frittata!

I'm also forcing myself to get out of the apartment and walk more, even if I have to be surrounded by strangers who may or may not look at me weirdly. I've never felt comfortable walking around a city by myself, but I've found it gets easier the more I do it (and the more confident I feel).

I'm never going to be "thin," and I don't want to be. Big beautiful woman is part of my identity. I just want to be healthier, and in my pursuit of that I know I'm going to start taking up a little less space. 

Another journey begins.

Indiegogo - Help?

This is a short blog to let everyone know I have a crowdfunding campaign live on Indiegogo here: http://igg.me/at/backtothenorthwoods/x/8366308

The whole story is there at that link. Please check it out and pass it on, even if you can't contribute yourself. This means everything to me. Please help me get home to help my family!

Thank you to those of you who have contributed and shared the link so far. I'm at 20% of my goal with 54 days to go!

Perks start at $5 and include access to my book and custom artwork (wildlife, pet portraits, fantasy illustrations, and more).

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/back-to-the-north-woods--3/x/8366308

The worst news

The last couple weeks have been a tornado of thoughts and emotions. I've been doing a lot of escaping, crying, planning, and worrying. I've been thinking about things too much, and then running and not thinking of much of anything at all. I'm not ready, but no one can be. Not for this. 

My mom has stage 4 lung cancer. 

She's an amazing woman, and my biggest role model. She's strong and tackling this struggle with "the power of positive thinking." They found the cancer when she had a lung x-ray after suffering from a respiratory infection. She's feeling better than she has in months now that she's on antibiotics, though the spot on her lung has supposedly been there many years. I wonder if that could have been the origin of the breast cancer she survived. She begins chemo this week. Chemo is a treatment for stage 4-IV:B lung cancer. There is no cure.

I need to do everything I can to get back to Minnesota to be with my family and help them through this. I want to make sure my mom enjoys some of the best years of her life. She spent all of hers taking care of others. It's time she saw some of that treatment.

What this means for me:

- I need to get my affairs in order and move back to Minnesota as soon as possible (likely this summer). I will have to leave Jordan behind until next February because we cannot break our lease.

- I need to find a place to live in MN.

- I need to find a car (my 28 year old car in MN is rusted out bad on the bottom and may be unsafe to drive).

Unfortunately I have no money for any of this to happen. Even though I'm employed now, Jordan and I are still just scratching by and relying too much on the credit card. 

I plan to start a crowdfunding campaign, likely on Indiegogo, to make this happen. I will be offering several "perks" to people who donate, including custom animal artwork and access to the book I'm writing about my experiences living between two worlds (the north country and a southern city). 

This is going to be a hard road. I'm doing my best to focus on the happy and the good, rather than the fear and the pain. I know my mom is doing the same. 

Why I Want To Farm - Part 1: Meat

What do you picture when you think of a farm? Do you see cows grazing on a hillside? Chickens pecking the ground between goats and sheep? Lush vegetable gardens and red barns? Or do you think of large factory farms with hundreds of chickens confined in large buildings that never feel grass under their feet, and pigs standing shoulder to shoulder in cages barely big enough for them to turn around?

I know which I prefer.

There are many different kinds of farms and many reasons to farm. One of my personal reasons for farming is simple - I don't want to be part of the problem anymore. 

I eat meat. No offense to any vegetarians out there, but science shows that our bodies are made to eat meat, and I'm generally not one to go against science (also meat is delicious). Unfortunately, at least here in America, people are eating an unsustainable amount of meat and that has caused quite a few problems. Factory farming is basically a necessary evil in order to keep up with meat demand. How that ground beef in your grocery store or sausage on your pizza got there is probably a horrible story (and not one I'm going to detail here - look into it). Aside from obvious animal cruelty issues, large factory farms are not sustainable and they cause a lot of environmental harm, and they're not going away any time soon.

Unless you always buy free range and organic meat, you're part of the problem. I'm still in that category myself, and like you when I bite into my chicken breast sandwich I try not to think about the animal it once was and the life it lived because it's an unpleasant thought. However, that's exactly why this problem exists.

As a society, people have a disconnect from the origin of their food. When you can buy everything you need to survive in packages from a grocery store, you rarely stop to think about where it came from and how it got there - you just cook it and eat it. Someone else took care of the rest. It's easier now, less to think about. Some would say it's better this way, especially the baby boomer generation. That's when convenience really took off and took hold. Unfortunately all those chemicals and additives are likely causing a lot of the illnesses and disorders we're seeing today, but that's a different topic.

The problem is we've lost an appreciation for our food. Once a year at Thanksgiving we come together and give thanks for our meal, but the rest of our days are spent opening packages and eating whatever looked good at the store (dat marketing). When you stop appreciating your food, you stop caring about where it came from, and that's what allows factory farming to continue. They rely on that disconnect.

I don't want to stop eating meat, but I don't want to be part of the environment-destroying animal-abusing problem our society has created. Right now buying organic is out of my price range, and I feel a little guilt when I eat meat I'm sure came from unsustainable farms (that's why ignorance is bliss - sorry if I ruined it for you too). Yet still even with that knowledge I eat it because I have for years and it's still relatively easy to take comfort in that disconnect. Old habits are hard to break, but I'm going to try.

I want to farm because I want to raise my own meat so I know exactly where it came from and can ensure the animals live a comfortable life, at least until harvest time. A lot of people have trouble when it comes to the idea of harvesting animals you raise yourself. My mom has told me she could never do it, that she would get too attached, and I wonder that about myself too. I've been hunting and fishing since I was a kid, and I still feel bad (and sometimes even say "sorry") when I have to whack a fish on the head to kill it quickly. However, I think the act is an important part of being a meat eater because it instills a sense of reverence. You become less wasteful. You appreciate that animal's life more because you took it, because it's going to sustain you. It places you back in the grand circle and you become part of something that's been taking place for generations, long before grocery stores ever existed.

Raising livestock for food is really just hunting without having to chase down the animal. The entire reason there are so many people on this planet today is because long ago people figured out that it was easier to keep and breed meat animals than it was to constantly chase them in the woods and fields. 

Breeding, raising, and harvesting chickens, rabbits, turkeys and maybe pigs for meat is not glamorous, but it is sustainable, economical, and it puts meat in the freezer that's way better and fresher than anything you get from the store. Instead of being part of the problem, I want to create my own solution. I want to farm.

I have a brown thumb

I've researched it a bit, but I still can't figure out why my strawberries are turning brown. Is it just because it's winter? I know nothing about growing things in SoCal. I brought the plants in on a couple uncharacteristically cold nights (below 40 degrees) but they may have seen a few nights in the 40s. 

I'm determined to turn my brown thumb into a green one. I'm going to need to if I want a successful garden, and I know I have a lot of research ahead of me. Should I remove the leaves that have turned brown in order to encourage the new growth?  Strawberries are supposed to be easy, and I've grown them without problems in MN. Not sure what I'm missing here.

At least Sassy's rosemary plant is doing well!

The perfect hunting dog

I mentioned in my last entry that I have a penchant for the exotic, but I have a practical side too. On my future farm I would like goats so I can make goat's milk soap (which is the most divine and luxurious soap there is). I want bee hives for honey and wax (and pollination, of course). I plan on raising rabbits for fiber and meat, and I will have a hunting dog. 

I grew up with dogs. When I was very young my parents had a little Pomeranian-Poodle mix named Toto and a huge Newfoundland named Bruno, but they were old and passed not long after I began school. Then my dad wanted to get a grouse hunting dog. I was 7 years old and obsessed with 101 Dalmatians at the time and wanted one of those black and white spotted dogs more than anything. What we got was a black and white spotted English Springer Spaniel puppy. I picked the runt of the litter (with a tail docked a little too short), and named her Rosie.

Not actually Rosie, but she looked similar!

Rosie was a special dog. My dad was raising her during the low end of the grouse cycle so there weren't many birds around to chase, and though we took her hunting and she went through the motions, she never found a bird. Instead, she developed a love for rocks. She wasn't a big fan of tennis balls, but if you rubbed a rock in your hand and threw it into the woods, in a few minutes she'd come back with the same rock and bark at you until you threw it again. Carrying rocks actually rubbed her lower canine teeth down to stubs, but we couldn't get her to stop. She was also the happiest dog ever and her tiny tail was vibrating almost constantly.

Springers are better suited to hunting for things like pheasant in open fields since the dog is used to scare ground birds into flight. They're called flushing dogs for that reason, as opposed to pointing dogs. The third type of gun dog is the retriever. While I loved Rosie, I don't think the hunting style of the breed works as well for ruffed grouse - especially early in the season when the brush is thick.

These birds can disappear in seconds.

I decided long ago that when it was time for me to get my own hunting dog, I was getting a breed that points. I hunt for meat and prefer to shoot birds on the ground as opposed to sport hunting "on the fly," where the chance of missing is higher. Hunting grouse on the ground also offers the least amount of suffering possible, and that's important to me. 

There are several options when it comes to pointing breeds. There is a breed actually called the Pointer, but I'm not a big fan of short-coated dogs. Brittany Spaniels look like red-brown Springers and they hunt like pointers, though they tend to be hyper and I also prefer a dog with a long tail.

Enter the setter. There are several breeds of setter that look slightly different but hunt much the same way. Gordon Setters are large and mostly black with brown features. Irish Setters are a rich, classic red. Irish Red and White Setters are gorgeous, but rare and expensive. Llewellin English Setters are perfect. 

My, what a big tongue you have!

Like many working dogs, the English Setter has two breed types that are still considered the same breed - show and field. Llewellin Setters are field type English Setters that have been specially bred for generations to possess strong instinctual hunting skills. They also have a slightly different, more attractive look.

Tricolors are my favorite.

They're my perfect hunting dog. They're beautiful, intelligent, loving animals that don't have the hyper qualities of the Spaniels nor the size or restrictive coloration of the Gordon. They also apparently make good watch dogs, and that's important when you want to raise animals that need to be protected from other animals. 

Did I mention they're adorable?

It took some time, but I convinced Jordan that this is the dog for us. We're both fans of the Irish Red and White Setter too, and there happens to be a breeder in Duluth, but they're a little too expensive. Llewellins are around $800 themselves. A hunting dog will likely be the first major animal purchase we make after we move to MN, once we're settled and ready for the commitment. 

You might be asking, "Why drop that kind of money on a dog when you can adopt one at a shelter?" For a family pet I'm all about adopting and  highly encourage it, but when you're getting a dog that helps you do a job, there are other things to consider, and the difference is in the breeding. I don't mind paying more for the assurance that the dog comes from a strong hunting line, and I look forward to the incredible journey that is working with and training a puppy to become not just a beloved companion, but a working dog that can help us put dinner on the table. 

Jordan has expressed an interest in a corgi as a future dog. Maybe when we have a group of reindeer to herd...

Raising Reindeer

I've always had an interest in the exotic - things that are different from "normal." It might be because I have always thought of myself as weird and misunderstood, so I form an automatic kinship with other people, animals, and objects that fit that description. After all, I keep rats and snakes as pets. Both are still considered unconventional, though rats are less exotic now. Jordan and I hope to have a (descented) skunk someday as well, and other reptiles.

When it comes to planning my farm I can't settle for what's popular or average. I need something different. Sure, Rhode Island Reds are a great popular chicken breed, but Cream Legbars, Swedish Flower Hens, Kraienkoppes, and Marans are so much more unique and interesting! On that note, why keep sheep or cattle or horses when I can raise reindeer? Not that there's anything wrong with those other animals, but I'm drawn to what's different.

When I discovered reindeer (aka domesticated caribou) are actually a popular "exotic" farm animal, I was hooked. They thrive in northern climates, which is an important consideration when you intend to farm in Minnesnowta. Their calm, sweet demeanor make them great pets. They can be used for a variety of purposes, and money can be made by "renting" them out to be displayed at businesses petting zoo style, pulling small sleighs, and traveling to holiday events (or schools). Their naturally shed antlers can be sold or made into value-added products. Some farms raise them for meat. While reindeer sausage and jerky is probably delicious, I'm thinking of going more the showing and breeding route.

Look at those antlers!

I've always liked deer. My mom used to feed whitetails in the winter and some got very tame. They would follow me around the yard when I had the feed bucket. It was fascinating to watch their social dynamics and sometimes they would bed down and sleep in the yard. It was around then that I started thinking about what it would be like to have my own little farm someday, and I got to thinking about how some farms raise elk and bison, but reindeer didn't cross my mind until recently.

I've always loved the holiday season. The family celebrations and giving spirit are wonderful. I love the decorations - the wreaths, trees, sparkling lights, sleigh bells and holiday displays. Having reindeer is a way to connect with the spirit of the season in a big way, and spread some holiday cheer. 

I'm intimidated by the size of horses and I haven't spent very much time around them (though I would like to in the future). Reindeer are livestock of a very manageable size, and they fence easily. I like the idea of carting and sleigh pulling though, and reindeer can do that just as well - you just need more of them. Or they can pull a person on skis or a small sled. This site says reindeer can pull twice their body weight but I'm not sure how accurate that is. I have more research to do.

These are what I would call my ultimate goal animals, and having them is still at least 6-8 years away, if not more. A Google search revealed several reindeer farms in Minnesota and Wisconsin I can potentially visit and learn more about their care from, as well as eventually buy young reindeer. Gotta have long term goals, right? :)

Here are 11 things you might not know about reindeer and some more general information.

If you're interested in learning more (and seeing more pictures) these are the reindeer farms I found:

Crystal Collection Reindeer

Kendallville Farm

Reindeer Games

Eight Tiny Reindeer

Blessed Yule, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

Berry Obsession

I used to say I could live on berries and beef jerky.

I don't think I ever believed that was true, but they are still two of my favorite foods. Venison jerky is pretty great too, but this blog post is all about the berries.

I spent a good portion of my childhood in berry patches. During northern Minnesota summers berries grow wild everywhere. Strawberries are the first to ripen, followed by raspberries and blueberries later. Those three are the most well known, but there are also wild currants, gooseberries, dewberries, and thimble berries (and juneberries, and pin cherries...). It's a very "fruitful" state!

I spent a lot of time at my grandparents' house while I was growing up, which is where my parents live now. It's a small house with a big yard just a few miles outside Grand Marais. They had an upper and lower garden full of tame raspberry bushes that grew berries the size of quarters. There are still a few bushes there, though it has overgrown. I took this photo last summer.

There was also a big, beautiful tame gooseberry bush - which may be my favorite berry, if I had to choose. A gooseberry is difficult to describe to someone who doesn't know what they are, but they're delicious, almost like a sweet grape without any bitterness. They start out green and sour, but tame ones get big and purple-red when ripe (wild ones are smaller and dark purple). 

Not my pic, I Googled it.

Unfortunately my dad destroyed the gooseberry bush and most of the raspberry garden to make space to put a garage. I was pretty bummed about it for a while, but I don't hold it against him. The memory only fuels my desire to recreate the glorious bush in my own yard someday. 

My folks owned a trailer court, cabins, and campground while I was growing up. We had wild strawberries growing in our front yard and wild raspberry bushes around the campground and by the frog pond on state land next door. Back behind the trailer court a road led to a couple more properties until it finally ended at state forest land - and the berry hill.

Many times each summer I would hike up to the berry hill. Strawberries and raspberries were everywhere. I would pack up a lunch, usually a sandwich and a Surge, and enjoy my fill of berries. Sometimes I would bring a container full home, but mostly I just ate them like a hungry, greedy bear. Once in a while my mom would come along and we'd pick berries to make jam.

The first plants I tried growing in a garden were strawberries. I had a little raised bed next to the pump house that supplied well water to the campground. I weeded them and took care of them for a couple years, but over time I lost interest and weeds took over. The berries they gave me were wonderful, though. There's nothing like the taste of sun-ripened fruit you've grown yourself. 

These memories and many more like them are the driving force behind my goals and dreams for my future homestead. I'm going to have a berry farm. These two strawberry plants growing on my balcony are the beginning of that dream.

I like the idea of having a "pick your own" style berry farm, or at the very least have enough plants that I can bring berries to the farmer's market each week. I will have the traditional strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries, but also gooseberries and currants. Berries will be my primary focus because they're what I know and love most. I'm starting small and dreaming big.

Someday I'm going to be sitting outside my home, admiring my berry garden and chewing on some venison jerky from a deer I shot myself. I'll look back on this blog post with a smile. To that future me, I say congratulations! I knew you could do it. 

The list

What I call "the list" is a series of plans and dreams for the future. This is a list of animals I hope to have (both pets and livestock), as well as the plants I intend to grow. I will start small and continually work my way up to the larger critters and homesteading goals. I have not yet decided what breeds or varieties to keep in most cases, but as I do I will refine the list and change it as I see fit.

I'll go into more depth for some of these in future blog posts.

Animals

What I have now: 

Cat (back in MN) - Willow
Rats - Raven, Misty, and Poe
Boa constrictors - Orion, Kitty, Tiamat, Desert Ross, Legacy, Phoenix, Bacon, Hera, and Luna

Corn snake - Nathara

What I want:
Dog - Llewellyn setter, for grouse hunting
Cat - Siberian
Skunk 

Chickens
Turkeys

Rabbits
Bees

Goats

Long term goals:
Reindeer (yes, reindeer)

Plants

What I have now:
Rosemary
Strawberries

What I want:
More cooking herbs (basil, oregano, thyme, etc.)
Lettuce and other greens
Tomatoes
Carrots
Broccoli
Potatoes
Peas
Cucumber
Onions/Chives
Rhubarb
Squash and zucchini
Pumpkins
Apple trees
Raspberries
Currants
Gooseberries
Blueberries

Long term goals:
Berry farm


Ultimate farm goal: Sell produce and farm products at the farmer's market, breed and sell animals, grow and provide much of my own food for myself and my family, and live a life close to nature and in tune with the seasons. If possible, someday I would love to run a small bed and breakfast at the farm as well.

It's a big list, but I know each and every one of these things is attainable if I work hard and stay focused. Big things are coming!

Endings Lead to New Beginnings - A Rat Story

I have never known life without pets.

My living space has always been filled with a menagerie of critters since I was very young. I had your standard cats and dogs, but at different times I've also kept rabbits, hamsters, guinea pigs, mice, fish, bugs, tadpoles, frogs, toads, salamanders, snakes, and rats. 

Rats are still considered unconventional pets by some, and feared by others. It's interesting to me how some people think hamsters are adorable, but find rats disgusting. Is it the long scaly tail? Their (wrongful) association with disease? Stigmas aside, the truth is rats make wonderful pets, and there are even dedicated rat shows the same way there are dog and cat shows - they have quite a following.

They're also a lot like us. They're omnivorous so they can share in almost any food we eat (even small amounts of chocolate). They need the company of other rats to thrive and will sleep together and groom each other in a social hierarchy that's fascinating to watch.

They're also adorable.

My boyfriend Jordan hasn't had many pets in his life, mainly due to allergies and asthma. When I moved in with him he came to terms with the fact he would be living with a cat when we move back to MN - I'm pretty sure I can't live long without one, and I left my kitty Willow back in MN with my parents temporarily. He decided it was a good time to get back on his medication.

I moved in with Jordan during April 2013, and while I had my snakes (they're a pet for a different blog entry) and a beta fish, I was feeling a void that needed to be filled by something cute and fuzzy. I brought up the idea of a small animal pet and suggested we get a couple rats. I was mildly surprised when he said yes. He didn't know then what an impact these little critters can have, but he does now.

I looked up a local breeder and soon we were the proud owners of two baby dumbo rats. Jordan named his blue and white variegated "Sassy," and I named my black Berkshire "Raven." The term "dumbo" refers to their lower, larger ears - a genetic trait some pet rats carry.

See? Adorable!

We bonded deeply with the rats, but Jordan especially so since this was the first time in a long while he had a pet he could call his own. We were also battling depression, and the love exchanged between rat and human was a rare thing that could dissolve the worst of bad days. 

However, it wasn't long before we noticed there was something different about Sassy. She seemed like she was developing more slowly. Raven would bound and hop and run, and Sassy would slowly walk or crawl, always a couple steps behind. As she got older her conditioned worsened, and soon she wasn't able to walk straight. She acted as though she were drunk, falling forward or to the side while trying to walk the line. Still, she was able to function normally otherwise, and we affectionately nicknamed her "Wobbles."

We weren't sure what was causing her condition. The breeder offered that since she had a cold when she was a baby, she may have never fully recovered from an ear infection, and that could be causing the wobble. When one of her eyes began to bulge however, we figured the likely culprit was a pituitary tumor. 

Months passed and there seemed to be no change for better or worse. Sassy wobbled about and doted on Raven. Since Raven was stronger and faster, she quickly established herself as queen of the cage and would steal food from her handicapped sister. Sassy never seemed to mind.

One day in PetCo, Jordan and I came across a deal we couldn't pass up - a rat manor cage, usually running near $100, was on sale for $20. This was a high quality cage with a full metal bottom, and it was staring at us for a fraction of what even a used one would cost. We took the upgrade home, and the rats loved it.

Of course with more space, it wasn't long before we decided to add to our rat family. We picked out two new female rat babies from a different local breeder and named them Misty and Poe.

More adorable!

I kick myself for not doing a longer quarantine period. After introductions were made and all four rats were in the rat manor, everyone came down with the sniffles. Respiratory infections in rats are very common and most rats carry the virus, with flare ups happening from time to time. Everyone got over the illness, but it left Sassy with a severely bulging eye that had begun to bleed. She showed signs of pain - swaying and staring at a corner of the cage, away from other rats. We brought her to a vet who confirmed our suspicions - a brain tumor was the likely culprit. During the examination her eye started bleeding again, and we talked about putting her down.

Having very little money at the time (barely enough for the vet visit), Jordan had researched humane at-home euthanasia methods and felt confident in his ability to provide a comfortable passing if it ever became necessary. We brought her home, and we were so glad we did.

After the vet visit, Sassy showed remarkable signs of improvement. Her eye shrunk down to half its normal size and the tissue looked healthy. She no longer showed signs of pain and began sleeping with the other rats again. I was in awe. What an incredible, inspiring creature she was!

Jordan and Sassy

Another few months went by without incident. As Poe got bigger, she started squabbling with Raven for dominance. Misty and Sassy were always sweet. 

About a month ago Sassy developed another respiratory infection and we treated her with antibiotics, which we mixed into a tasty food that she would readily lick off of a spoon. It seemed like the illness had run its course, but soon it was back with a vengeance and we continued treatment. She was very thin, and her good eye had started to bulge. I knew what was coming.

Last week her breathing had become more labored. On Friday she was barely able to lick the spoon to take her medicine. She wanted nothing more than to be held, and Jordan and I took turns letting her sleep in our arms. When we tried to place her in the cage, she used every bit of her strength to scramble back to the cage door and into our hands again. 

At close to 2 AM, I placed her into one of her favorite boxes in the cage, and whispered goodbye. She never left the box.

It was a sad morning, though we were also relieved. Sassy was no longer struggling. Jordan and I discussed what to do with her body. We decided months earlier that we would not be feeding any of our pet rats to the snakes. I suggested burying her somewhere around the apartment complex, maybe in between some plants that aren't likely to be landscaped any time soon. He favored the idea of burying her in a pot as he'd read about on some FB rat groups, and after some thought I agreed.

I've wanted to start an outdoor potted garden for a while in preparation for this whole homesteading idea (have to start somewhere, right?). We decided a rosemary bush would be fitting, and I picked up a couple strawberry plants as well. 

After the burial Jordan lit a candle and we said a few words. Later we made a little tombstone and placed it in front of the rosemary. Jordan originally wrote the letters in Sharpie, and then I went over them with white acrylic paint. After spraying the stone with a matte finishing spray, the letters turned purple. 

Sassy Plant

Sassy will continue to live on as this rosemary grows. It's a fitting, poetic statement about the cycle of death and rebirth, and we will likely continue this tradition as we face the inevitable pet deaths to come (that's the biggest drawback to rats - even the healthiest rarely live past age three). 

Sassy's death allowed for the beginning of my homesteading project, and everything we use this rosemary for in the future will have Sassy's memory attached. 

Thanks, little girl. You were a wonderful wobbly rat, and I'll miss you.